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I haven’t write a diary for a long time. But today, I have to write something because I’m pissed.

What the f**k is this? This is my god damn life? I want to learn about programming god damn it! I’ve bought so many books about programming but I don’t even have a chance to open them. I spent my money on nothing. It’s a f**king waste of money isn’t it?

What about my dream? Who cares? Nobody will give a f**k about it. Everyone has fallen into a god damn competition witch has no end. I get up every day go to school, what’s for? We study because we need to take other’s opportunity away and make it own.

In this competition, we forget about dream, we forget about love, we forget about everything but winning.

I am a loser. I’m saying it proudly, because at least I have a dream and I still love others.

F**k this battle, I don’t wanna win, I ‘m outie.

    A lot of things happened during last week. I think I’ve failed in at least two subjects. What a terrible week!

    Just hope I can get better before the final exam this term.

    I don’t know why I’m still busy even during the weekend. What’s going on? I felt so tired of the life I have.

    So much homework kept me busy. It’ll take me about an afternoon to finish them all! During week days, I always do my homework until half past nine.

    Life is so tiring! I will get through this.

   Long time since last time I wrote a diary, because these days were so busy to write one. Since today I don’t have much home work, I decided to write one.

   Yesterday were so busy that I kept doing homework till 9 p.m. and then I finally can have a rest. I read “Homer Epic – Iliad” and “A song of Ice And Fire” on the bed. As you can see, I was too busy to read a book before I went to bed, what a busy day it was!

    Now, everything is all right, but I had an unlucky day. I failed in dictation again! I was so unhappy with it and I had a Chinese test and I don’t think I did it well.

    It was terrible! I don’t know what to do about it right now! Read more books? I’ve never been good at Chinese before, what’s terrible is that I don’t think I will. I don’t know how to study at all, I think. I will kill myself if I keep doing nothing.

    I’m worry about myself now. Life in high school is so terrible! But I’m sure I have met something even worse before. I can handle this, I believe in myself!

    Today is November 21st, and it’s even busier than yesterday. I don’t know what’s going on, and something make me nervous. This day is in the book written pages, so, just let it be, I don’t care.

    As I’ve said, I’m gonna start reading “A Song of Ice And Fire” tonight. I have finished reading “A Father First” last night. After reading the book of Dwyane Wade, I can feel that how important faith is in life, when you wanna do something, first believe in yourself, or you can’t achieve nothing.

    Though something happened today – I don’t know what, I will keep doing what I think is right, and what I thing I need to do. Nobody can stop me, nobody can bother me. 

    The exam has become history and it’s not important any more! What’s important is how much I can improve the next time, this time I have failed to stay in the top, but now I finally know what I really am. Last time was all about luck, this time is exactly what I got, and now I know how much I need to be improved.

    I have a direction now and I’m not afraid any more. Failure is not terrible, what’s terrible is  being defeated by it. Now, get your ass ready to start again!

So, here is my diary today, November 20th. No anything special, the only thing different is that the PSV 2.0 system is available, now I can receive email on PSV!

It’s still a busy day, busy with study and homework. There should be a sax lessen now, but teacher has got some business so the lesson is cancelled, glad to hear that! Now, all I have to do is to finish my homework and then practice sax.

I’m gonna finish reading the book “A Father First” tonight on my bed. The book is so interesting, but I wanna finish it mostly because I wanna get on with “A Song of Ice and Fire” tomorrow.

Whatever, get back to work!